View Full Version : The Prodigal Son

12-12-2007, 10:23 PM
"The Prodigal Son"

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling,
Relaxed I sit half conscious so my body slows breathing
As my eyes start to close i cut to a scene,
Of a family of three poor but living steady
The father works multiple jobs and comes home late
Shaun enjoys what he has and never complains
But Ramel isn’t happy with poverty and lives in spite,
He has big dreams of acquiring an elaborate and lustrous life
He inherited his father’s good looks likeability and smarts
He wants to be rich, so he thinks of ways to get a quick start
He Remember the drug dealers and the respect they get
He found himself a gang started dealing and gained rank using his gifts
Surrounded himself with the wrong group of people
They influenced him until he started to become evil
Wore nothing but designer clothes diamond rings
It wasn’t easy but it got him these materialistic things
Then One day while he was standin’ on the corner
He felt a hand grasp upon his shoulder
With a firm grip the man spun him n asked “What you got on ya’”
Scared stiff Mel said “Money and drugs; I’m only a foot souljah”
Stole most of the drugs money and took his chain
And just as he was thinkin' why he ever got in the game
The robber left the young boy to sit in shame
Just then with a flash of red n blue lights a cop car came
Mel wanted to run but he knew a longer sentence is all he'd gain
So he stopped, the cop approached and asked for his name
He said "Ramel, why do you ask I’m the one who got robbed"
The cop said nothing but "Spread your legs and put your hands on the wall"
Mel did what he asked in disbelief about what was goin' on
Not thinkin' about what they might find, thought the robber took it all
The Cop took somthin' out his coat pocket and started to read his rights
Mel was cuffed, pushed into the car and the sirens faded into the night
Convicted for dealin' he spent his next year in jail
Alot of time to think about his mistake n' how he failed
Days and nights within' walls is not the life he'd foreseen
He was better off poor with his father or to him it seemed
And when he finally got out,
His dad drove him home to find cars in front of the house
Thought nuthin' of it and noticed that the whole ride home his father wept
Opened the front door "SURPRISE!!” He stumbled back and tripped over the front step
He got on his feet put his hands on his knees tryin’ to catch his breath
Mel’s brother Shaun wanted to talk to their father so he pulled him to the far left
Shaun said why does he get a party for coming from where he was
“You never gave me a party, I always do good, I feel unloved”
The father replies “You always do good so I never have to worry”
“Your brother realizes his mistakes and knows the right things to do”
The Shaun paused and seemed to understand what was said to him
He looked up slowly with a smile when...
The father n' son heard tires screech,
Gun shots followed by Mel’s scream
A Plot twist, alarm clock rings,
And I awake from my dream…

12-12-2007, 11:28 PM
5 views no comments :-(

12-13-2007, 12:27 PM


wow, pretty cool story! the ending is very good! I like it!

12-13-2007, 05:52 PM

Well Layed Out

12-14-2007, 01:12 AM
FOTZE!! my nigga blackstar damn lol shit i aint been on msn n a minute

12-14-2007, 02:14 PM
Pretty good.

12-16-2007, 03:51 AM
uppin .

12-21-2007, 06:18 PM
erg -.- ...

12-21-2007, 07:03 PM
Hmm, it was good all the way through.. It was a bit of a rushed ending though... Grammar and English was off here and there, but apart from that it was good. Had a nice flow and layout to it and set out some good images.. Good work Con good to see you back around.

12-21-2007, 09:26 PM
:-D tanks yea it was rushed at teh end lmfao cuz i was tryna stick 2 teh story of teh prodigal son from teh bible it was for a religion project.... i hate being limmited

12-22-2007, 03:13 AM
The rushed ending was my favorite part.

He looked up slowly with a smile when...
The father n' son heard tires screech,
Gun shots followed by Mel’s scream
A Plot twist, alarm clock rings,
And I awake from my dream…

SICK. Sounds like somthing I would say. Over all it was a pretty well layed out story and you told it pretty quickly. I had forgot it was a dream as I was reading which made it all that better.

You definitely got my props from one story teller to another. Kinda reminded me of dance with the devil at the beginning

12-23-2007, 03:02 PM
hmm i really liked it, it started of like sumet a kids story that had a moral to it wud sound lol like the 3 pigs story, but then u got into it, was movin nicely, was good, however i dint like the whole "then i woke up" thing, its done!! lol but it went n it flowed so all good. keep it up!

12-30-2007, 07:58 PM

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