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View Full Version : Look Back!!



LOC
06-27-2007, 05:35 PM
Now i wrote this, this morning and due to the concept (not usually my steez) i culd only write one verse jus didnt motivate me to do two, so ima chuck my homie on it. This my commercial song lol i guess u culd say BraNd influenced me to drop sumthin like this lol. Its about bitches lol so hey it aint no deep shit, also did sumthin i dont like doin alot of the same rhymin shceme thruout but i believe an MC shuld do all aspects of rap and with the right beat this wuld be tight as fuck imo. But hey im biased so ya'll leme know pimps! P.S Obviously the LOOK BACK everytime its sed wuld be the peak of the beat so its capitals jus to show its emphasis.

Damn she gotta whole lotta ass
In a whole other class
Bell of tha ball with sum mo in her glass (moet)
Put me in a trance from a soul glance
Bulge in my pants
Not swoll from the cash
All on the poll how she dance, oh man!
I can picture the romance
Tha way she flow that
She make me wana LOOK BACK!!
Til my neck snap i wana get that
Why wear dat if u can’t fit that?
I bet id rip that girl leme hit that
Hook u 'on my lines' like a net caf/cafe
Im so fly I own my own jet pack
My gadget go'on inspect that
I aint mad baby I expect that
Just leme wreck that
I’ll leave ya shook like a wet cat
But don't expect me 2 respect that
Lookin all cute & gift wrapped
With a red ribbon in the middle
Baby go'on then and wiggle it a little

Hook:

She make me wana LOOK BACK!
Like yo dog look at that
I culd push that all day like cooked crack
THEN SHE LOOKED BACK!
I sed i ain't tryna jack
But baby u got back
I got raps let’s make it crack
AND THEN SHE LOOKED BACK!
Girl the way ya wear that
I can’t bare that, set a bear/beer trap
And when I hit that girl go'on n LOOK BACK!!
Baby I don't play those games
Leme know if it's on the table
We can go that way if u able 2 fold dat way
Coz you make me wana LOOK BACK!!

Eyebagz
06-27-2007, 06:02 PM
its cool first verse is alright dont really like the concept but you didnt expect anyone would. Chorus sounds sick though could imagine it proper in my head record it in audio and post it up

Lowkey Tha Warrior
06-27-2007, 07:21 PM
yeah mayne, enough wit this text, letz hear them mic skillz mayne....

its hard tellin how nice it could be, would have to hear it to a beat, but tha concept is there, im feelin it....

simple rhymin, so in audio if its spit right would flow, hook could be catchy...

letz hear it

LOC
06-27-2007, 07:32 PM
yeah well id have to get a beat to it 1st lol...i have no idea wat the beat shuld be like...id jus have to search until i find one, or til sum1 doze me a beat lol. i jus got a keyboard so when i suss that out mite try and make my own beat. i duno u wont HEAR this one for a long time. lol

Thanks for ur feedback

FranchizeTheKid
06-27-2007, 08:40 PM
Honestly Fam, It Won't Flow THAT Good In Audio... But You'll Eventually Realize That When Ya Step In Front Of The Mic Then You'll Start Adjusting It, It's Happened To Me A Lot Before

Beat Should Be Kinda Mellow Like How "You" By Lloyd Was, With A Light Snap With A Boomin Kick, Like Maybe Some Laid Back Neptunes Style Shit? Just How I Invision It...

Hostile
06-27-2007, 08:53 PM
In text. This was hard as hell..You should def. do this audio. Maybe I am flowing differently...so I want to hear how It 'should' sound.

LOC
06-27-2007, 09:16 PM
Yeah i realize that, its not my 1st time writing without a beat and then matchin it to one lol. I realize their will be editing and wateva beat i chose no matter how close to wat i had in mind their will be altercations.

But no matter wat i will get it to flow, i feel u on the beat too FTK i think sumthin similar...U SHULD MAKE ME A BEAT! lol.

Thanks fo the feedback gz

Lowkey Tha Warrior
06-27-2007, 09:55 PM
Honestly Fam, It Won't Flow THAT Good In Audio... But You'll Eventually Realize That When Ya Step In Front Of The Mic Then You'll Start Adjusting It, It's Happened To Me A Lot Before

Beat Should Be Kinda Mellow Like How "You" By Lloyd Was, With A Light Snap With A Boomin Kick, Like Maybe Some Laid Back Neptunes Style Shit? Just How I Invision It...

Aye im just curious Franchize....where your mic at, homie you 13, you talkin like you been rippin it for yearz......im sure Loc knowz hez got n what he needz to do.......

im curious, cuz you talk alot, but i aint heard shit franchize

LOC
06-27-2007, 11:04 PM
ive heard FTK before, he only real young tho lol...13yrs old but his flows all good...

He jus aint heard me yet so he thinkz he tellin me sumthin new lol, but i asked for opinions so his point were still appreciated. Told me sumthin i knew already lol but gave me sumthin to think about for the beat.

Peace

FranchizeTheKid
06-27-2007, 11:25 PM
Aye im just curious Franchize....where your mic at, homie you 13, you talkin like you been rippin it for yearz......im sure Loc knowz hez got n what he needz to do.......

im curious, cuz you talk alot, but i aint heard shit franchize

www.soundclick.com/speakerblowoutproductions

Beats And 1 Okay Track

Yeah I'm 13... And? Don't Mean Shit, I'm Always Getting Props For The Lyricism And Flow...

FranchizeTheKid
06-27-2007, 11:28 PM
Yeah i realize that, its not my 1st time writing without a beat and then matchin it to one lol. I realize their will be editing and wateva beat i chose no matter how close to wat i had in mind their will be altercations.

But no matter wat i will get it to flow, i feel u on the beat too FTK i think sumthin similar...U SHULD MAKE ME A BEAT! lol.

Thanks fo the feedback gz

If I Wasn't Taking A Break And Had PC Probs, I'd Make You A Hot Beat No Problem AND Contribute A Verse Lol

D.M.A.
06-27-2007, 11:47 PM
the hook is cool,the verse flows well...Should be a nice commercial track when u get around to recordin.If the flow is anythin like ur rap supaman track then I dont doubt it'll be tight.So keep at it my nug and stayup

Lowkey Tha Warrior
06-28-2007, 07:53 AM
www.soundclick.com/speakerblowoutproductions

Beats And 1 Okay Track

Yeah I'm 13... And? Don't Mean Shit, I'm Always Getting Props For The Lyricism And Flow...

hahaha../...aight mayne im' a peep that

lilsam
06-28-2007, 02:30 PM
Ftk U Say The N Word In That Song Are U Ready On 53 Seconds, U Say It

MAW
06-28-2007, 02:48 PM
His fow is on point tho

Flash
06-28-2007, 02:57 PM
Ftk U Say The N Word In That Song Are U Ready On 53 Seconds, U Say It

OWNED :laugh:

Sparx
06-28-2007, 03:00 PM
OWNED :laugh:

just like you after your battle with Cap...

FranchizeTheKid
06-28-2007, 04:58 PM
OWNED :laugh:

I Said "Nick Is" You Stupid Bitch

So Who's OWNED?

MAW
06-28-2007, 05:00 PM
haha He really said "Nick is" :D

FranchizeTheKid
06-28-2007, 05:03 PM
Why Would I Say "Anybody Will Tell Ya Nigga(s) The Best In Mo Val"? Use Your Head And Think Dummy...

EDIT : NOW STOP CLOGGING LOC'S THREAD

LOC
06-28-2007, 05:21 PM
Haha holla shit D.M.A u heard that rap supa man? damn dat was wack as hell (quality wise) im re-doin that track in my bar wars mixtape btw! made it 10x better too...

good lookin everybody! most feed ive had in months

Peace.

D.M.A.
06-28-2007, 10:40 PM
Haha holla shit D.M.A u heard that rap supa man? damn dat was wack as hell (quality wise) im re-doin that track in my bar wars mixtape btw! made it 10x better too...

good lookin everybody! most feed ive had in months

Peace.

o yea I remember that song I use to have it on my old cpu before it crashed.Yea I kno the quality wasn't great but the flow was on point,u definitely had potential wit that track.And I kno that was over a good yr or yr 1/2 ago,so by now ur flow should have improved.So I kno this track should be jus as good if not better,espcially wit better quality.So lookin forward to checkin out ur progress since rap supaman lol.Stayup tho

BlackStar
06-29-2007, 07:01 AM
well...flow is cool...but I think you can do it better. If this should be audio, I would rewrite it. You're gonna stumble on some lines and you know that it sucks. I think the prob here is that some parts flow perfectly but then the next 2 lines have a different rhyming word or are too long.

---dope flow before--
Baby I don't play those games
Leme know if it's on the table
We can go that way if u able 2 fold dat way
Coz you make me wana LOOK BACK!!
---flow is gone---

that's how I see it and these where my probs when I tried to rap it. Of course, practise and such stuff plays a role but this can be difficult in audio.
I know your audio and I tried to rap it on the beat of your track...it's not that easy. Go trough it again...and rewrite some lines. But that's all...


BITCH!

LOC
07-01-2007, 05:17 PM
yeah well i got no beat to compare it too...

JaTahChild01
07-02-2007, 01:05 AM
Damn she gotta whole lotta ass
In a whole other class
Bell of tha ball with sum mo in her glass (moet)
^flow was perfect

Put me in a trance from a soul glance
^shoulda expanded this line, like... "put me in a trance, mesmerized by mammi witnessed her soul in her glance//" spread it out a bit ya know?

Bulge in my pants
Not swoll from the cash
All on the poll how she dance, oh man!
^again flow was there but spacing that last line out a bit woulda made it sound a whole lot better

I can picture the romance
Tha way she flow that
She make me wana LOOK BACK!!
Til my neck snap i wana get that
Why wear dat if u canít fit that?
I bet id rip that girl leme hit that
^not a huge fan of rhyming the same word over again. Its gunna flow obviously lol. But the content matched the purpose of the song..

Hook u 'on my lines' like a net caf/cafe
Im so fly I own my own jet pack
My gadget go'on inspect that
^nice, now you getting mroe creative with lines

I aint mad baby I expect that
Just leme wreck that
Iíll leave ya shook like a wet cat
^wasnt feeling this part at all

But don't expect me 2 respect that
Lookin all cute & gift wrapped
^again rhyming the same word over

With a red ribbon in the middle
Baby go'on then and wiggle it a little
^thats def an industry line lol

Hook:

She make me wana LOOK BACK!
Like yo dog look at that
I culd push that all day like cooked crack
Cut the 2nd line out or change it and this is good but the dog line is wack

THEN SHE LOOKED BACK!
I sed i ain't tryna jack
But baby u got back
I got raps letís make it crack
AND THEN SHE LOOKED BACK!
Girl the way ya wear that
^this is right for the content of the song

I canít bare that, set a bear/beer trap
^this is not right for content of song lol

And when I hit that girl go'on n LOOK BACK!!
Baby I don't play those games
Leme know if it's on the table
We can go that way if u able 2 fold dat way
Coz you make me wana LOOK BACK!!
^end was nice, flow wasnt normal loc but the content was right for the song

Overal your one of the few people who i feel can maintain their original message start to finsish. Flow was same old loc style. Dont like people multis rhyming words i feel it takes away from lyrical ability but maybe thats just me. It is a club style song which is what you said from the beginning. Not my style song but its good to mix it up. Something like 50 cent's outta control beat might have worked well with this.

Montana
07-02-2007, 11:19 AM
I Like The Hook And Great Flow, But Your Rhyming Is Simple Wid No Complexity Or Wordplay Or Orginality No Hate. U Have Audio?? Diz Wud B Alot Better Dan it Looks In Audio.

LOC
07-02-2007, 05:22 PM
thanks odin, i feel u on alot of those points...if i had a beat i culd contsruct it better i dont dig the same rhymin words either jus the type of song like the concept didnt urge me to be super lyrical gotta play the field a little u kno, thru a lil wordplay in there best i culd without upsettin the tempo of the song feel me.

damn i wish i had a beat for this:Yayo: