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Sparx
06-26-2007, 03:41 AM
Beat: Lloyd - You (Remix) ft. Andre 3000 & Nas
Nothin really crazy... feeling the beat, high off my ass n had the urge to write... feed's appreciated...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….

BraNd
06-26-2007, 03:44 AM
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad drastic, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch, but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….


nice.......thease lines stood out....i mean for some quick bars being high, not bad

Sparx
06-26-2007, 03:46 AM
thnks for the feed branded

BlackStar
06-26-2007, 04:39 AM
it sucks! but I'll read it later!:D

Clasik
06-26-2007, 12:32 PM
Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,


It was nice... i like how u tie some of ur words together.... like somewat of an internal rhymes to keep it goin.. i like that.. keep it up

Hostile
06-26-2007, 04:13 PM
Beat: Lloyd - You (Remix) ft. Andre 3000 & Nas
Nothin really crazy... feeling the beat, high off my ass n had the urge to write... feed's appreciated...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
Dope!
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….
I know how that is...That's what I had to do because I didn't have a raincoat and I don't want no kids.

After the first few lines it became really dope. I can relate definitely lol And that's probably why I was feeling it more. Keep it up.

FranchizeTheKid
06-26-2007, 05:06 PM
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,


but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….[/SIZE]

:eek: Dope As Hell

LOC
06-26-2007, 05:18 PM
it was nice g, but ur flow suffers from ur strucutre imo...if i may show u wat i mean...below is how u set it out me i wulda got rid of sum unnecassary words and cut the shit down...peep.

Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….

Locz break down (lol)

Went from Fiddling with the corsage
To pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge,
After party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning
little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
Heart beat running, if we were in paris
I would've grabbed her by the waist n kissed her,
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose,
Inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic
And make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time
For me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental,
To my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
Nah shes not getting menstrual,
Shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust
I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust
And play with the pink like a care bear plush….

To me dat jus flows better, keepin in mind not every line needs to finish with ur rhyming word from the previous, infact it helps sumtimes when a line is long to chop it coz once a new line is started a new tone is created if u get wat i mean but it still finishes on the same rhyme word as the previous one.

But good job neway bra

Sparx
06-26-2007, 05:23 PM
thanks for the feed everyone... yea Loc i c what ur saying... i used to write my bars like that, then sumwher along the line... probly when i came 2 DR actually... i stopped... hm... ima try that with my next few drops c how it goes, thanks fam... upp

koncret
06-27-2007, 12:06 AM
thanks for the feed everyone... yea Loc i c what ur saying... i used to write my bars like that, then sumwher along the line... probly when i came 2 DR actually... i stopped... hm... ima try that with my next few drops c how it goes, thanks fam... upp

COPIED ME
nice drop but since when von dutch start makin panties?

Sparx
06-27-2007, 01:06 AM
COPIED ME
nice drop but since when von dutch start makin panties?

:smokin: i was high..............:(

BlackStar
06-27-2007, 06:43 AM
Beat: Lloyd - You (Remix) ft. Andre 3000 & Nas
Nothin really crazy... feeling the beat, high off my ass n had the urge to write... feed's appreciated...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
lol...daydreams...and I'm thinking his banana in my hand is a nine lol
Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
after party hearty? lol...pumping the old schooool!!!
Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
nice flow here
Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
brap!
But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
lol...very nice simile!
But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
lol...
Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
LOL...what a simile!!! mhhh...the using of the word menstrual looks wrong here...it means monthly. If you want to say that she don't get her menstrual cycle then the "lady" doesn't fit 'cause even a lady get it...explaination please (since I take time to check words and try to improve my English, you can help me with that lol)
Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….
lol@ the bear

was a cool verse...had a very good flow! Some funny similes! Would be cool in audio!

FranchizeTheKid
06-27-2007, 03:31 PM
IMO BlackStar, By "She Ain't Getting Menstrual" Means She Ain't Getting Mad, Scared, Worried, The Symptoms Females Get During Their Cycle Which Makes Them Intolerable For A Few Days

I Dunno, I'm Tired

Hostile
06-27-2007, 08:54 PM
IMO BlackStar, By "She Ain't Getting Menstrual" Means She Ain't Getting Mad, Scared, Worried, The Symptoms Females Get During Their Cycle Which Makes Them Intolerable For A Few Days

I Dunno, I'm Tired

I thot it meant she ain't bleedin on his fresh tuxedo! LMAO JK That's what I assumed too

FranchizeTheKid
06-27-2007, 11:18 PM
Lol You Stupid Hoss

BlackStar
06-28-2007, 07:17 AM
IMO BlackStar, By "She Ain't Getting Menstrual" Means She Ain't Getting Mad, Scared, Worried, The Symptoms Females Get During Their Cycle Which Makes Them Intolerable For A Few Days

I Dunno, I'm Tired

aiight...if you can use it in this way ,too...thx!

Cap
06-30-2007, 12:18 AM
*Wipes The Shit Out My Eye*

Sparx Is Getting Feed!..........And The Sea's Turn To Blood

Lol

I'll Feed Later, Its 12 AM

FranchizeTheKid
06-30-2007, 12:24 AM
Why Was There Shit To Wipe Out Of Your Eye In The First Place?

I Had To Come Back And Read This Drop Again, Dope Sparx Lol

Cap
06-30-2007, 12:28 AM
Why Was There Shit To Wipe Out Of Your Eye In The First Place?

I Had To Come Back And Read This Drop Again, Dope Sparx Lol

Because I Saw Your Crusty Ass Shoes

FranchizeTheKid
06-30-2007, 08:05 PM
Really? I Recall You Telling Me My Shoe Game Was Nice And You'd Rock Them...

Cap
06-30-2007, 10:53 PM
Really? I Recall You Telling Me My Shoe Game Was Nice And You'd Rock Them...


I Lie Alot, Like The Time I Told Poc He Was Dope

DJ-NICKEL
07-01-2007, 12:06 AM
The beat of you remix is tight.

FranchizeTheKid
07-01-2007, 03:53 AM
I Lie Alot, Like The Time I Told Poc He Was Dope

Lol, But You Ain't Lie About My Shoe Game, Cuz I Showed You The Black And Green Forces And You Said You Liked 'Em Even Before You Knew I Had 'Em So Don't Front On That!

$tate
07-01-2007, 04:20 AM
Good vocab and shit, all the usual was there.
Maybe you could drop an aggresive joint sometime...

JaTahChild01
07-02-2007, 01:09 AM
Went from Fiddling with the corsage, to pullin up in the hoopty thinking it’s an Arnage,
^lol nice start

Spinning old school cuts in the back of the lodge, after party hearty so everyone feelin kinda odd,
^mehhh

Embarrassed cuz her Flare-is oh so stunning, little-black-dress keep floods of dudes coming,
^nice flow

Heart beat running, and If we were in paris I would have grabbed her by the waist and kissed her,
^hmm lost the flow at this point

But were not, so I suppose to impose flowed prose, inferring lust, to rush clothes so they hit the floor,
^has flow nice multis

Would be a tad sappish, I just wanna unrap plastic and make her back stick, like insulation to an attic,
^haha best line so far

But lets not get drastic, theres plenty of time for me to peel skins, and cut with prophylactics,
^nice

Besides any advances at this interval would be detrimental, to my image in her mental, and probly to my dental,
^nice, she gon clock that ass

Nah shes not getting menstrual, shes a lady, with a reputation that can get rubbed out like a pencil,
^very nice

Tonight I may be in a rush but best trust I’ll bust all up in those Von Dutch,
but for now ill just, shake off the rust, and play with the pink like a care bear plush….
^what a disappointing ending lol