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Critisize
02-27-2007, 04:52 PM
I write this for a kid i no who's growing up bad and his parents dont care.

Here Listen up, i'll tell you the truth of whats going on
Theres kids been dragged throught the gutter and its terribbly wrong
Do the parents even care thats the question thats there
Now its not the kids fault now lets be fair
They Didnt ask to be born in a world thats torn, put out on the streets at 9 in the morning
Filthy close and dirty face's, the sight is sick an its hard to face it
These Kids need yeah there only basic
But there trapped in a maze and they cant escape it
Is there a god? Im sinical thats how im thinkin
If he is up there he must be twisted
These kids pray day in day out but he aint listenin
Their the victims off Dublins poverty, the people in need are the better majority, I feel sorry for them ya can sit there and say,
While their out on the street begging every-day
A little a your support could go along way,but you choose to ignore,
Thats your way!
This harsh living is vigerous upon themselves
kids aren't an old toy you can put to a shelf
One thing the kids lack is a little resect
Living in troubled life now but wat do you's expect
When the parents dont care ore even protect
so the kids cant buil or even get strong but thats the truth and thats wats goin on



Here Kids Listen up your gonns get strong
But you'll just have to wait till after the storm
The Rain now it begind to Trickle
Just wait a little to see the sun Glisten

Look out the window,Rain,Starts to trickle
Its gets heavier now so the rain its pissing,
Its gets heavier now so the rain its pissing,
Wat im seeing yes its hard to bear
The middle of winter an this kid, ha no Jacket 2 wear
But theres not only him he has more sibblings
If he complains2his parent there will only be killings
How many kids are we seeing put in these positions
Somone needs to star making a few inqusisions
to show the bad parents how to make the right decsions
All of these kids have big dreams, even excitin visions
These visions dissapear after a while after the kids start to understand that life is vile

Life its not always made out to be
As good to you as it is to the other kids it is
So bitter tears start to flow in rivers and streams
You'v got to keep going as hard as it seems
After the storm, the sun will glistin
Maybe after this song your parents will listen
Kids im not going to promise, mess or even pretend,
lifes are been broken but were hear to fix them, today we mend
So keep up the faith and dont forget to say

im gonna grow 2 be big and strong!
Ill just wait till after the storm!
The Rain now it begins to trickle!
Just wait a little to see the sun Glisten!


Here Kids Listen up your gonns get strong
But you'll just have to wait till after the storm
The Rain now it begind to Trickle
Just wait a little to see the sun Glisten (x 2)

Critisize
02-27-2007, 04:53 PM
Feed Back????

Cap
02-27-2007, 05:03 PM
You COULD Be Nice, Do Like Air And Find Yourself Under Someones Wing.

Critisize
02-27-2007, 05:18 PM
wats that mean???? Its recorded already

Chopz
02-27-2007, 05:19 PM
Sylabelle count was off, you didn't really have a lot of complexity which didn't help your story to create a picture... Perhaps by putting more complexity and using a better structure will help you to write to a better quality... Anyway it was nice, keep up the good work...

MAW
02-27-2007, 05:27 PM
Partial bad structure. But kinda deep and good flow... all in all good work

Critisize
02-27-2007, 05:27 PM
cool it was the first ever track i wrote the flow is ok in it like
thanks for lookin out

MAW
02-27-2007, 05:35 PM
For the first song you wrote it's rather good. Keep it up!