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Chopz
01-01-2007, 08:39 PM
A Destructive Fate

Darkness and death,
merge to create a child of sixteen,
Murderous intent, forceful sex,
Are on the mind of this fiend,
Shying away from the light,
The simpleton has no idea of love,
Only how to end a life,
Taking away a persons lust,
Taking away the breath of another,
His motives are dark and depressing,
The suffocation of light, undone to his mother,
Filling a life full of contempt, facing oppression
Amongst the realms of the living,
His life has no purpose,
And so he lives amongst the shadows,
Killing without ever being nervous,
Handing out knowledge and tactics,
About the bodies weakest points,
He tells a story in reverse,
Of his first killing and how he dispersed with Joy

He says:

"The body beneath the dirt,
Is lightened as the soil is disappearing,
I see a pair of feat, naked,
The face of my mother suddenly appearing...
I take the body out,
and I put her back against the tree,
I start to caress and suck her dead breasts,
Reminiscent of when she would breast feed me...
and I speak backwards slowly,
As if I was possessed,
I take the bra of the branch,
And put it back on her chest,
My voice sharply rewinds,
And a gasp of air is swiftly retracted,
My parts go back into her body,
And my juices are then, slowly swimming backwards,
And with a act of love,
My hands travel back up towards her torso,
My tongue comes off her stomach,
And my hand touches the wound that is a war zone,
I put her body back onto the floor,
And put the clothes on her that i ripped,
The holes in the clothes are redone,
And my hands move away from the beautiful kin,
Only to pick up the bloody knife,
That I used to slit the arteries,
And it closes the wounds on my wrists,
And I feel like I have re-gained a part of me,
The knife then moves back over the cut ropes,
Stranded at the beautiful females side,
And they become whole again,
Restraining her limbs, starting with her thighs,
And as the rope around her neck is re-born,
I put the blade back into her chest,
Load the body onto the wheelbarrow backwards,
So her Legs go on first and the head follows the breasts,
And the tears streaming up my face,
Feel cold as they rejoin my eyes,
Thinking of how I committed murder in reverse,
Reaches the gloomy face after by-passing the smile,
Putting on my gloves in a fashion that seems impossible,
Re-gripping the handles of the wheel barrow, a position of comfort,
Walking backwards and lying on the floor with my head split,
Head-butting the wheel barrow; mending the cut as I fall upwards,
Taking my foot out of the hole,
That caused the wheel barrow to shake as it moved,
Taking my foot off the squirrel,
As it comes back to life and runs backwards like a possessed fool,
Walking backwards down the hill,
With the barrow in front of me,
Leaning forwards all the time,
Finally coming to level grounds as I come to a urban street,
Leaving the park behind but still looking at it,
As I slowly take steps in reverse, losing site of the grass,
Walking backwards across a duel-carriageway,
Nearly being run over my many a car,
Walking onto my street,
But all I can see is the direction other opposite to the way Iím moving,
Cries of screams and words haunting me,
As my blood is moving back to my cut, in reverse like my movement,
Walking back into a house with boarded windows,
Lifting up the object in which my mother rests,
Unloading her body onto the floor,
And putting the wheelbarrow back under the steps,
Walking back to my mother,
Undoing the ropes that bound her soul,
In a manner that cannot be fabricated,
Kneeling next to her, taking my eyes off the rope,
Looking upon her face,
Stained grey and red with no signs of Life,
Her eyelids flicker and stop,
As she re-opens her eyes,
The scream of pain for not her,
But my father who has also fallen in this room
His eyes open as well,
And he regains his feet as he paws at his wound,
And I pick up the dropped blade,
And stare at him with only hatred and contempt,
hovering the knife by his side,
Then moving it over the cut in his neck,
He puts his hand down,
as the cut meets the blade and is fixed,
He must of knew what I was going to do,
As he looks at me in confusion and hatred,
But then his eyes flash backwards,
And he looks like a mental patient,
And I walk back through to the kitchen.
and put the knife down
Hearing my father tell my mother,
He must kill her, for the purposes,
Of the money the insurance would make him..."

After telling the story,
The child goes on to silently cry,
Thinking of his first killing,
And thoughts of his father, taking her life,
Thinking of why he killed him,
His testosterone and anger running wild,
Stuck in a bad mood,
Asking himself why she had to die,
Why he had to kill him,
He couldn't control his rage,
Emotions are a strong thing,
Do not let them control your Fate.

----------------------------------------

Just to let you know, this did not happen to me the story is a fabrication and all feedback is appreciated... Thankyou...

Ohh.. just so you know.. this is more poetry than Rap.

Summer_heat
01-01-2007, 09:41 PM
then it shud b in poetry section, lol sall good, ppl hardly ever dip into there.
i will b returning the favour of readin n feedin, but my concentration level at this moment leaves me unable. so will get back to u 2moz prolly.

Chopz
01-01-2007, 10:02 PM
Alright then, I'm in no rush to get it so drop the feed whenever but thanks :).

Flash
01-02-2007, 07:12 AM
Great drop!too fucking long ive died reading it:D!Chopz i see a perfect crime here!and this is your dark side a!great storytelling again like you was there and seen everything!great description of emotions and everything else!a litle bit i think this should go in poetry but its still a good one if its here!great work again from you Chopz 9/10!keep it up!

Chopz
01-02-2007, 10:57 AM
Thanks for the feed.

- Yes this should go in the Poetry section but as nobody ever posts in there I put it here instead.

BlackStar
01-02-2007, 06:04 PM
damn! very good drop! Can't remember when I was disappointed by you.
I like the backward style! Really good idea...even when Nas and Plan B used it, I couldn't imagine someone else than you who would use it so good like that.
You painted a nice picture in my head and I could imagine it very clearly.

I won't leave much feed on a poetry. It should be read how it is written. I don't like to destroy it...

no rating!

very good work Chopz!

Summer_heat
01-02-2007, 06:14 PM
well after reading it... it was kinda poetry AND rap in a way, not the usual style ive seen from u, overly immpressed. Had a kinda of Eye feel to it, maybe its the sick demented thots that he shows lol.
interesting twist at end, cos at first it seems as if the whole Freudian psychodynamic theory on child development may jus be right! with all the lines such as

"I start to caress and suck her dead breasts,
Reminiscent of when she would breast feed me..."

to find at the ending, that this child wasnt the killer of his mother but his father was, and he was actually the killer of his father, was an interestin twist, which i dint half expect.

great description in the reverse bit, musta took some time that, cos u were very accurate in it.

nice drop, a lil freaky at times, but a good read from u.

Chopz
01-02-2007, 06:25 PM
Lol at "A Lil Freaky At Times"... Thanks for the feedback it is appreciated.

FranchizeTheKid
01-02-2007, 06:43 PM
Wow Choppo, That Was Pretty Freaky, The Dead Breasts Bit Made Me Go What The Fuck, But The Ending Made Me Understand The Story, Great Lyricism, Vocab, And Imagery, Reverse Stories Have Already Been Done So I Was Kinda Turned Away, But How You Did Poetry AND Rap Was A Good Way To Tell the Story, The Ending Was A Great Twist, I'd Say 8.5/10 Because A Reverse Story Has Been Done Already So Originality Was Kinda Meh But The Way You Worded Everything And Because Of The Actual "Plot" And Ending, You're An Amazing Rapper(Yes Homo)

Chopz
01-02-2007, 06:45 PM
Thanks Franchize and thanks Black...

Sparx
01-02-2007, 08:57 PM
yea.... this was a cool drop choppington... but its a lil too wierd for me lol... sick imagery tho and an interesting concept, i agree with Star on the whole "no rating" thing, cuz its poetry and its not supposed 2 have restrictions.

nice drop man really different im feelin it

Cap
01-03-2007, 01:45 PM
I Keep Telling People, They Do NOT Wanna Fuck With Us Right Now, Damn Choparoonie, This Was Hot, The First Part Was Poetry At Its Finest, The Second Was Just As Good.........So Much For "Good Girls" Huh? Lol.

*Evil Leprechaun Laughs...........Oh Wait, POC Laughs*

Chopz
01-03-2007, 01:54 PM
Lol, be quiet about Good Girls Sean.. Thanks for the feed... Sparx 2 :eazy:

POC Was Here
01-03-2007, 04:22 PM
I Keep Telling People, They Do NOT Wanna Fuck With Us Right Now, Damn Choparoonie, This Was Hot, The First Part Was Poetry At Its Finest, The Second Was Just As Good.........So Much For "Good Girls" Huh? Lol.

*Evil Leprechaun Laughs...........Oh Wait, POC Laughs*

You're Lucky He Didn't Do It In Audio...... CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HEAR IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Here's A Joke..... What Do You Call A Deaf Fat Person?..... Cap.

Hahahahahahahaha!!

Cap
01-03-2007, 05:32 PM
You're Lucky He Didn't Do It In Audio...... CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HEAR IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Here's A Joke..... What Do You Call A Deaf Fat Person?..... Cap.

Hahahahahahahaha!!

Cant Hear Out My RIGHT But WRITE Better Than You

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalin'

FranchizeTheKid
01-03-2007, 05:41 PM
Cant Hear Out My RIGHT But WRITE Better Than You

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalin'

Lol, Yall Dudes Is Comedy

Chopz
01-03-2007, 06:13 PM
Thanks for the feedback Paul.. And yes.. Until I get it I call you what I want :eazy:

Cap
01-03-2007, 06:16 PM
Thanks for the feedback Paul.. And yes.. Until I get it I call you what I want :eazy:

Fuck On Aim Choparoonie

Chopz
01-04-2007, 07:34 PM
Hmmmmmm.............

BlackStar
01-06-2007, 10:05 PM
bumb this for one of the best and realest MCs here!!!

Even he needs feedback! Come on guys!

Cap
01-07-2007, 01:04 AM
No Fluxx Feed.

Leon Fluxx
01-07-2007, 01:27 AM
01-02-2007, 01:39 AM

how many times i gotta tell u i've been gone fo two weeks????
are u really that stupid.. go past two weeks ago.. and u'll find my feedback.. why is it soo hard to grasp.. lol.. i mean for.. u think u runnin shit cuz u been spittin for two weeks straight.. and u gettin alil shine cuz da rest of us aint.. soo stop bein all crazy big.. i can drop freestyles out my ass.. but da rest of ya niggaz take foreva fo a verse..especially u...
soo it takes awhile fo my shit to get put out..
u think imma give u crazy feed too.. when u neva send me verses fo collabs i need??

Cap
01-07-2007, 01:35 AM
01-02-2007, 01:39 AM

how many times i gotta tell u i've been gone fo two weeks????
are u really that stupid.. go past two weeks ago.. and u'll find my feedback.. why is it soo hard to grasp.. lol.. i mean for.. u think u runnin shit cuz u been spittin for two weeks straight.. and u gettin alil shine cuz da rest of us aint.. soo stop bein all crazy big.. i can drop freestyles out my ass.. but da rest of ya niggaz take foreva fo a verse..especially u...
soo it takes awhile fo my shit to get put out..
u think imma give u crazy feed too.. when u neva send me verses fo collabs i need??

Wanna Really Know Why I Never Sent Verses? Because I Didnt Wanna Collab With You! And You Ask Why I Never Dropped Those Collabs With Your Verses? I TRASHED EM! I Just Didnt Tell You Because I Foresaw You Whining Like You Are Now.