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Flash
01-01-2007, 11:57 AM
I wish I can get back into time for 24 hours to change what happen,but let me tell you how it all begin//
Before I start I want you to know,that this shit is true not a imagenery story like “Huckleberry Finn”//
It was dark and freezing that night,I was sitting alone,lost with my thoughts,and by me I had a bottle of gin//
I was a little bit drunk,when a girl from nowhere showed up,she told me her name was Latisha and that she was from Berlin//
She was so beatuful,black hair,blue eyes,nice ass,she was good dressed up,but she had one problem she was a little bit thin//
She told me that she escaped from her boyfriend,and that she was lost,also she told me that she was an identical twin//
While I talked to her,her boy showed up,he was so nervous he ran,against me he hit me,But he made a big mistake,he awoke the “warior within”//
I stand up and started to hit him with my “tiger fist”,nobody could stoped me,I was like “Kyong-Min”//
I was under berserk,crushing him with the speed of light,I hit him so hard that I almost destroy his skin//
But somehow I stoped,Latisha was staring at me like in a Monster,she told me: "Be proud of yourself you killed him you win"//
When I realaised what ive done,I fall on my knees and prayed to God,to forgive me for this deadly sin//
I wished and my wish come true i woke up in my room,nothing happened, i havent killed him,the Lord forgived me,this is the Fin//

Flash
01-01-2007, 06:34 PM
Upppppppppin!

FranchizeTheKid
01-01-2007, 06:53 PM
I'm Seriously Starting To Think That Flash And Lil Latino MC Are The Same Person

Flash
01-01-2007, 06:55 PM
yo go lick Paulie ass!fucking faggot im 10x better then you and Latino 10x smarter 10x a man!so get the fuck out of here! feed if you want if you dont leave!

FranchizeTheKid
01-01-2007, 07:00 PM
Whoa, I Didn't Mean To Bother You While You Had A Rag Inside You, It's True, Girls Get Offended Easier When They're On Their Period And You're Living Proof... You Two Type Similar And You're Both Fuckin' Idiots, Why Wouldn't I Think You're The Same Person?

Flash
01-01-2007, 07:02 PM
fool youre not worthy to give feed!so MOVE BITCH get out of the way!

FranchizeTheKid
01-01-2007, 07:03 PM
I Can Tell You Wrote This In 15 Mins Because It's Shit

Flash
01-01-2007, 07:05 PM
Kid go! your mum is caling you! your milk is geting cold!

FranchizeTheKid
01-01-2007, 07:17 PM
Your Wordpad Application On Your Computer Is Trying to Commit Suicide Because You Wrote This On It

lilsam
01-01-2007, 07:19 PM
its quite good, don't hate.
U show potential, I think you are getting far better.
Keep it up, I give this 7/10

Flash
01-01-2007, 07:20 PM
ok prove that you are better then me show me some drops i havent seen any drops from you here!shut your mouth fool!

FranchizeTheKid
01-01-2007, 07:29 PM
I've Only Dropped In The Cypher Because I Mostly Write For Audios

Flash
01-01-2007, 07:35 PM
ok then dont talk dont hate cuz im not hating!

MAW
01-02-2007, 12:18 PM
yo flash, dope shit! Should I take this serious, cause I think it was kinda funny. :D but all in all: well done

BlackStar
01-02-2007, 01:19 PM
I wish I can get back into time for 24 hours to change what happen,but let me tell you how it all begin//
Before I start I want you to know,that this shit is true not a imagenery story like “Huckleberry Finn”//
mhhh...it's a good start but it makes no sense if you read the text once...cause the reader knows that it IS a story. Ok that you dreamed it not...but the story is not true.
It was dark and freezing that night,I was sitting alone,lost with my thoughts,and by me I had a bottle of gin//
good opener, you describe the atmosphere a little bit
I was a little bit drunk,when a girl from nowhere showed up,she told me her name was Latisha and that she was from Berlin//
BERLIN STAND UP!!! lol..wow...you can see that girls from Berlin like to talk about everything :roll: , it would be better if you write the beginning of the conversation here, too.
She was so beatuful,black hair,blue eyes,nice ass,she was good dressed up,but she had one problem she was a little bit thin//
:huh: where is the problems to be thin?? makes no sense...
She told me that she escaped from her boyfriend,and that she was lost,also she told me that she was an identical twin//
identical twin? if this is a metaphor...than it is a very deep one :D
While I talked to her,her boy showed up,he was so nervous he ran,against me he hit me,But he made a big mistake,he awoke the “warior within”//
I stand up and started to hit him with my “tiger fist”,nobody could stoped me,I was like “Kyong-Min”//
I was under berserk,crushing him with the speed of light,I hit him so hard that I almost destroy his skin//
[18:02] BlackStar: who is Kyron Min?
[18:07] Flash: man realy i dont know him i was tyred and write it just like that
sorry boy, that won't work in my eyes:roll:
But somehow I stoped,Latisha was staring at me like in a Monster,she told me: "Be proud of yourself you killed him you win"//
over-the-top
When I realaised what ive done,I fall on my knees and prayed to God,to forgive me for this deadly sin//
I wished and my wish come true i woke up in my room,nothing happened, i havent killed him,the Lord forgived me,this is the Fin//
like I said...the beginning makes no sense anymore.

all in all was this a solid drop. Nothing special in my eyes but a good idea. You have to work on your storytelling. Use adjectives and create a suspense. Put your feelings in it and check the text for strange things (in your text for example, that the girl started to talk without a reason).
I like to see that you tried to use multiz. They're mono syllable but that's a beginning! (Fluxx started with them too:D )

5.5/10 in my eyes (I agree with Chopz with the high rating)

@FranchizeTheKid
maybe you should think about that he isn't from an English talking nation in contrast to Lil Latin!

Chopz
01-02-2007, 02:19 PM
My main criticism of this piece of work.. Your new style, if you are going to use a longer style I think you should work on complexity of your rhymes or multis because you have lost your flow some and are still not going into detail, using vocabulary a lot, using a lot of imagery etc. which accomplished long bar writers use.. Not sure why you and Franchize are at eachothers throats, this is the Net, both of y'all should chill out. Alltogether a pretty nice drop... 6/10

FranchizeTheKid
01-02-2007, 06:33 PM
@FranchizeTheKid
maybe you should think about that he isn't from an English talking nation in contrast to Lil Latin!

I Said It As A Joke, But I Knew He Was From A Non English Speaking Nation, It's All Good, He Took It A Lil Seriously