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BlackStar
12-28-2006, 04:54 PM
yes! after a couple of time I decided to make a new audio.

Here it is!

I hope you enjoy it and maybe I can have a little feedback :D

www.soundclick.com/I-Shine

the new song is called "Why"! I know that people won't understand me pretty good that's why I posted the lyrics there too...but, please try to listen to it at first without the text.

Thank you!

P.S.

pppprrrrr

Nickolai
12-28-2006, 05:03 PM
i'll listen to it a lil later

MAW
12-28-2006, 05:06 PM
I'll register at this site........and then I'll listen

Chopz
12-28-2006, 06:19 PM
Okay, to start with, B.S, this was a lot better than your other audio in my eyes and I liked this track, the main beat was good and it complemented your voice, the lyrics were meaningful and the hook was good.

Intro:

I did not like the intro at all, it goes from one song, to another, and then switches to the main content of the track. The tracks that are in the intro do not really compliment each other in sound and the switching between tracks is very abrupt and just sounds as if it has not been mixed very well. The using of "Why" was nice as this was the song your song was obviously based off, but, if you are going to use it in the intro you have to ask yourself why you do not use the same chorus in your song? Unless you wanted it to be completely original, but in that case, why use a sample of "Why" in the Intro? Anyways I think this should be revised.


Hook:

Like I said, the hook was not bad. The way the hook was laid out was very nice and it did feel like it was placed at the right amount of time between each verse without stretching the verses out for to long (I know what I mean lol). However, although the hook was good in content and did compliment the track, however, with the using of the sample of "Why" I still think it may have been a good idea to use the voice of why, not the beat, but to have somebody to redo the hook in a way that would compliment the beat.


Verses:

Very good content. A few problems with the way you rapped it imo, but I will talk about that in a minute. The verses were set out with very good structure, the content was deep and it did compliment what the original and your version of the track was about. However, if you were trying to follow the idea that Jadakiss had in Why, about 93% of the lines should have started with the word "Why" and end in a question mark, or a question at least because the only way to audibly emphasize a question mark is to ask a question. Anyways, enough rambling, I think that the verses were well done bar some rapping emphasis and the actual wording of it.


The way it was rapped:

To some it up in one word it would be "Rushed". I know that you have a different accent to say I do or to some of the other people on here but nonetheless the way you rapped it could have been improved. I did not need the lyrics to understand what you were saying but in some points of the song I needed to check a word on there because of the way you were carrying and connecting with the different syllables. For example, if you were trying to say "Blackstar is the best" you were saying "Blackstaristhe... Best". What was happening in my opinion was you were not finishing the words which you were saying, and thus, it sounded as if you were just rapping one big word at time instead of a few. Next time you make a song make sure that you finish each word only if it is two letters, fully pronounce it before moving on to the next word.


The Beat:

The beat on this to me was very good. It did compliment your voice as it was not to high or too fast. Your projection was not quite enough to be heard very clearly over the beat, perhaps turning the input up or turning the beat volume down a bit. It had a nice bass to it and if I was a rapper could definitetely doing something hard and gritty over it. My compliments to the prodcuer (But not on the Intro)



Overall:

Intro;Bad
Chorus;OK
Verses;Good
Rapping Style;OK
Beat;Good
Voice Projection;OK

Overall Rating:

Terrible
Bad
OK
Good****
Amazing

- It is good but I put my other ratings there so you could see what else it is possible to achieve in my eyes in an audio.

BTW, as a written -

Nice similes, good structure, nice hook, not to long, ominous in places, kind of dark, some of the best verses I have seen from you in a while. 7/10, (It is time to crack down on rating, people have started rating other peoples drops to high, a 8.5+ is now average for a rapper, to me a 7 means it is an above average rating, so from now on I will give real ratings, if you can't rate properly, don't rate at all.)

Keep up the good work Black.

Lil' Infamous
12-28-2006, 06:39 PM
and why does 50 percent of these wanna be G's
have got fake IDs like underage pussies?


I LOVE IT! lol


how can I express myself with a high crime rate?

my otha fav line.

the intro thing where it jus cuts into anotha (louder) beat wasnt a good idea.

BlackStar
12-28-2006, 06:57 PM
just can give you one "thx" each post but I would give you millions if I could!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

damn, that will help a lot!

The thing about the Intro...lol, erm...I love the song by the Roots, it's def one of my fav. I just wanted to use it like Premo did but I failed lol. It was like an experiment but I don't have got the possibilities to mix the sampels together. I got the whole beat and that was all. I but all vocals together, the hooks and the verses (after my bad experiance in the last song). But yea, you have to make experiances to become better and that's why I want feed on this track.

I didn't want to copy Jada...I started to write and I thought about a song name or a red thread later. And the topic of "why" came later.

Thx for the language advices! That's one of the parts where I want to improve the most. I was bad in English in school always but it's my way to express myself that's why I had learn a lot about it again. The feedback for pronounciations and how to speak is important for me because I can't practise it a lot (just with songs here).

I'll give boofy your feedback on his beat!

oh and to this rating stuff...yea I feel you. We have to make a new limit cause too many songs are very good but how can we improve if we get a 9.5+/10 each song?

oh and while I'm reading Infamous feed here, thx at first and I'll delete the intro now...lol

Summer_heat
12-28-2006, 07:37 PM
ive heard some of this before!!
u sent me sumet called "shaun sucks my dick" n it was late n ppl was sleepin so i decided to listen to it the next day but then i forgot, i only found it 2days ago n heard it, lol, cept u got so far on it n then said "shaun sucks bitch" lol, yea i really liked it, altho cos of ur accent i dint understand some words first time i heard it, i understood it clearly with the lyrics, a nice concept, loved Kiss "why" n altho it dont compare, u did ur thing!

LIL-LATINO MC
12-28-2006, 08:20 PM
hey fool this track is the shit.no i couldnt understand your accent,but i knew what u say reading the lyric,and you got gift.so keep it,and shine on.

I like your first verse with the fake i.d,wanna be g,and pussy lol.

cant wait untill my tracks come out,post your opinion on it too coming soon.

BlackStar
12-28-2006, 09:57 PM
hey fool this track is the shit.no i couldnt understand your accent,but i knew what u say reading the lyric,and you got gift.so keep it,and shine on.

I like your first verse with the fake i.d,wanna be g,and pussy lol.

cant wait untill my tracks come out,post your opinion on it too coming soon.

thank you little man!

mhhh...yea I like that line too...does anyone get the little hint in it?

50 percent?? wannabe G' ??? think about it...there is a reason why I used the number "50" per-cent ;) get it now :D

but I'm sure yall get it:p

@Summer
lol, yea...erm...was funny...lol...

thx for the feed!!!

jinder
12-29-2006, 10:25 AM
listened to this yday when Sum did
i liked it, tha topic u rappin on is real gud, bout real stuff
n yo voice n flow went wit it well
i dont think u dropped off at any point so thats gud
u maintained it well thru out
tha accent aint that bad fo me, but readin lyrics did help
overall nice stuff
keep doin mo, always gud to hear new ish

Flash
12-29-2006, 10:39 AM
damn i need to get a mic!nice stuff black!the hook was dope!and the song nice stuff from you man!nice stuff!

lilsam
12-29-2006, 10:52 AM
I read the lyrics with it, and appreciated it a lot more. The flow is good throughout, sometimes a bit off, but only minorly. Overall its great, consistent, at no point did you trip over words or get mixed up, which was pretty impressive, especially for your 2nd audio track. The topic was great as well, true life, I enjoyed your take on modern society and shows you have moral standards. I say its a lot better than your first audio, far easier to understand

Flash
12-29-2006, 10:56 AM
yeah this one havent that frankfurt german accent that much!:D

BlackStar
12-29-2006, 10:58 AM
thx guys!

I rerecorded the verses more than once...especially the last one took a lot of time..nearly an hour cause of the vocabs in it. :D

MAW
12-29-2006, 03:44 PM
Yo... at first: NICE man! Very good track. especially the lyrics and the flow were
very good. Just the speed....it doesnt matches to the beat, I think.

p.s.: the ACCENT. fuck I'm from Germany:D too, but please try to improve it.
(very big accent in this line):

"but why can I not see any liberty?"

Nickolai
12-30-2006, 07:03 PM
i liked the beat, flow welled
my fav verse was easily the 2nd 1 cuz i think ur flow was alot better and i liked lyrics in it
i did know wot u were saying but the lyrics helped abit aswell
hook was aight
this is learly better than ur last track
agree wit chopz says about saying a sentence quick but then pause then the last word
but overall this is good try at audio
def. improving

LIL-LATINO MC
12-30-2006, 07:36 PM
dont feel bad when we say we dont understand you,is just your accent

MAW
12-30-2006, 07:39 PM
dont feel bad when we say we dont understand you,is just your accent

.......I said it, black.

FranchizeTheKid
12-31-2006, 05:44 AM
Overall, I Liked It, HATED THE INTRO, But The Beat Was Straight, Not Really My Style But It Fit The Track, And Providing The Lyrics With It Was A SMART MOVE, Even Though Your Accent Didn't Bother Me That Much, But Like Chopz Said, You Were Rushing A Bit, Off Beat A Lil, Overall I'd Just Say Re-Record It Without The Intro And If Your Rushing Because You Think You Won't Say Your Bar in Time, Just Shorten Your Bars, Peace

yung Kanon
12-31-2006, 11:44 AM
your voice sounds out of place abit

BlackStar
12-31-2006, 04:06 PM
thx!!!!

appreciate the feedback!

BlackStar
01-03-2007, 01:11 PM
BUMB!!!!

Come on! I have need every feedback on this! I HAVE TO IMPROVE!!!! :D
what was good, what was bad, what can I make better, what should I keep?

by the way...do you like my new sig?

Sparx
01-03-2007, 01:31 PM
yea i like ur new sig Star, where are those pics from?

i like the Beat on Why, it goes really well with ur voice and its much easier to understand then ur first drop (the one u sent me a long time ago), ur improving and its good! now i just have to get ready for our album...

BlackStar
01-03-2007, 02:42 PM
pppssssssssssssstttt!!!!!

which new album by us??? I don't know anything!!! :roll:

Mos Def feat. Faith Evans - brown sugar
Les Nubian feat. Talib Kweli - Temperature rising

Hostile
01-03-2007, 09:04 PM
I always have Constructive Criticizm. Slow the flow down and it wil be tight, and the part where its like 2 ppl sayin the line...I'm not feelin the 2 ppl. I didn't understand the words when it was 2 people, but I can't understand twista either so that aint sayin much.

LIL-LATINO MC
01-03-2007, 09:21 PM
blackstar you an real mc, so the only comment i have for you to improve or what so ever comment on your career is this> Stay REAL if you stay real with it, you got my respect as an Mc who been through real life in reality too and that that.
( more line like> why there wannabe G, with I.d, the one you say. )

JaTahChild01
01-04-2007, 11:05 AM
TEXT:
Why should I rap about guns and wars
about missions that goes to the mars
^seems kinda contradicting. You say u dont wanna rap about guns and war but you also dont wanna rap about more topical story telling type of things like space?

about bitches and expensive cars
or innocent inmates behind bars
everyone wants to shine like stars
^whats wrong with rapping about people behind bars? Theres alotta emotion in it if u have friends or family locked up ESPECIALLY if they are innocent.

but they are too far away for us
why are people writting from their hearts
and rapping with one mic like Nas
and for what? Equality or succes?
^are you asking yourself this question? if people are writing from their hearts isnt that a good thing?

to fight against misery is a long process
but that is the start of this contest
if you really want to be the best
you should not stay around helpless
^true

start to work and melt the mess
in your chest burn it out like gas
it will save you like a bulletproof vest
^mess,gas,and vest dont all rhyme together this flow was ackward. BUt good idea.

[Hook]
one question, one word
one blessing, one world
one seed, one wife
one beat, no life
^I like all of this except line 3. Seed and wife dont really have much to do with it. if you think you should be rapping about your life and from the heart then it should be relevant to YOU. as far as I know you have neither thing, but the rest is great.

why is there just one door and too many keys?
Why do so many people want to be MCs?
^good opening question

and why does 50 percent of these wanna be G's
have got fake IDs like underage pussies?
^again, I have to ask what you have against peole who would have fake ID's ect? Where does it play into your life and your music, you need to make the conection.

I am like a thunder in rage, feel free
an all-rounder on stage, come and see me
I am the founder of wage, working for eternity
and I wonder why you can not stay real in the society
^this was ok

Of cause I could make a nice battle track
but why should I talk about wearing a new mac in my bag
about calling another people homo or fag
^this sounds almost corny cuz of the simple rhyming of fag-bag and use of the word homo

or why should I say that Hip Hop is dead
^this is ackward cause it doesnt rhyme with much around it

that is all not true, I stay real
my only weapon is to say what I feel
^Funny how you hate when people talk about crime or clubs or women and cars yet you think hip hop ISNT dying? Again seems hypocritical

my mind and my pen are hard as steel
and Hip Hop just loses his mass appeal
^great ending

[Hook]
one dad, one mum
one bed, one calm
one pain, one hug
one vein, no blood
^like the last line the best

Why do we need aims in our short life?
why does a man play games with his wife?
why does everyone want fame without to strive?
^nobody WANTS strife or to have to strive for something anyone would galdly take something easy.

and why do kids pain others with a knife?
too many problems and too less solutions
that all hurts in my brain like a cerebral contusion
^good to see the vocab picked up alittle to take some simplicity away

but music gives me more energy than a hydrogen fusion
I do not want to earn money with prostitution
^first line was a nice comparison, second line doesnt really appaear relevant to the song unless your using it as a subliminal meaning as you dont wanna be a prostitue in the hip hop business and sell yourself out.

because you can not sell the human's dignity
you can not even gain it by trickery
the human wants to be free without slavery
but why can I not see any liberty?
because the humanity affects to violate
how can I express myself with a high crime rate?
^last question is interesting. A higher crime rate can add pressure to life and the more pressure u feel the morei nspired to write you can be.

at first we have to find peace in us, than in our mates
fuck ignorance, a rescue can never be too late
^nice line to end it up

[Hook]
one fear, one pen
one ear, one fan
one clone, one dove
one home, no love
^best chorus yet no weak lines at all.

AUDIO:
~Its hard for me as an american to get over the German accent it really is. The beat was really good. It was best at the beginning then fell off alittle when u actually started rapping. You need to use the beat to help your flow. Listen to when the "clap" sound happens. thats when you should be trying to end your line. Personally I think you need to slow down just alittle bit. You seem a bit nervous and trying to just read it and get it over. Settle down and say your message and get it across strong. the chorus's were strong but I'd repeat them because they go to quick. The echo effect I dont like, id take that out.

The chorus's were the strongest point of the song IMO.

Your message to me is blurred. I can see what your trying to say but in alotta ways you contradict yourself and I tried to point those out as I saw them. Your grammer and word choice is also alittle off when translated into american. if you ever want help, or would like me to read things over and see how the wording is Id be more than happy too. I know you are interested in the enlgish language and try to learn our word use so please feel free to send me your work and I'll help in any way i can. be easy man.

BlackStar
01-04-2007, 03:06 PM
TEXT:
Why should I rap about guns and wars
about missions that goes to the mars
^seems kinda contradicting. You say u dont wanna rap about guns and war but you also dont wanna rap about more topical story telling type of things like space?

about bitches and expensive cars
or innocent inmates behind bars
everyone wants to shine like stars
^whats wrong with rapping about people behind bars? Theres alotta emotion in it if u have friends or family locked up ESPECIALLY if they are innocent.
mhhh...the first 2 bars should be a subliminal message. I was inspired here by a German MC. You say that you don't want to talk about it but you show the problems! I like this idea and tried to use it here. Do you know what I mean?

but they are too far away for us
why are people writting from their hearts
and rapping with one mic like Nas
and for what? Equality or succes?
^are you asking yourself this question? if people are writing from their hearts isnt that a good thing?
yes...asking this myself. I want reach the people but I can just reach them with succes. But on the other site you have to fight for your rights. To connect both is difficult in my eyes because the majority of the people don't care about other people problems.

to fight against misery is a long process
but that is the start of this contest
if you really want to be the best
you should not stay around helpless
^true

start to work and melt the mess
in your chest burn it out like gas
it will save you like a bulletproof vest
^mess,gas,and vest dont all rhyme together this flow was ackward. BUt good idea.
my biggest language problem :D I don't know the pronounciation of the words

[Hook]
one question, one word
one blessing, one world
one seed, one wife
one beat, no life
^I like all of this except line 3. Seed and wife dont really have much to do with it. if you think you should be rapping about your life and from the heart then it should be relevant to YOU. as far as I know you have neither thing, but the rest is great.
pardon? seed...a kid? who gives you your kids? a wife maybe :roll:

why is there just one door and too many keys?
Why do so many people want to be MCs?
^good opening question

and why does 50 percent of these wanna be G's
have got fake IDs like underage pussies?
^again, I have to ask what you have against peole who would have fake ID's ect? Where does it play into your life and your music, you need to make the conection.
I don't like people who aren't real. They are fake...and the rest is a simile. And like I said, I didn't use the number "50" for no reason...50 per-cent :D

I am like a thunder in rage, feel free
an all-rounder on stage, come and see me
I am the founder of wage, working for eternity
and I wonder why you can not stay real in the society
^this was ok

Of cause I could make a nice battle track
but why should I talk about wearing a new mac in my bag
about calling another people homo or fag
^this sounds almost corny cuz of the simple rhyming of fag-bag and use of the word homo
ok...will keep this in mind

or why should I say that Hip Hop is dead
^this is ackward cause it doesnt rhyme with much around it

that is all not true, I stay real
my only weapon is to say what I feel
^Funny how you hate when people talk about crime or clubs or women and cars yet you think hip hop ISNT dying? Again seems hypocritical
I don't like it when people talk about wearing guns and glorify that

my mind and my pen are hard as steel
and Hip Hop just loses his mass appeal
^great ending
I kow :D

[Hook]
one dad, one mum
one bed, one calm
one pain, one hug
one vein, no blood
^like the last line the best

Why do we need aims in our short life?
why does a man play games with his wife?
why does everyone want fame without to strive?
^nobody WANTS strife or to have to strive for something anyone would galdly take something easy.
just check my sig...I read it in the Mr. T Interview..."We all want to go to heaven but nobody wants to die" of cause everybody wants to go the easy way...but that's not possible when you want to reach something big

and why do kids pain others with a knife?
too many problems and too less solutions
that all hurts in my brain like a cerebral contusion
^good to see the vocab picked up alittle to take some simplicity away

but music gives me more energy than a hydrogen fusion
I do not want to earn money with prostitution
^first line was a nice comparison, second line doesnt really appaear relevant to the song unless your using it as a subliminal meaning as you dont wanna be a prostitue in the hip hop business and sell yourself out.
chill lol...was more like a filler with a connection to the next bars...mhh..but is it a filler then?

because you can not sell the human's dignity
you can not even gain it by trickery
the human wants to be free without slavery
but why can I not see any liberty?
because the humanity affects to violate
how can I express myself with a high crime rate?
^last question is interesting. A higher crime rate can add pressure to life and the more pressure u feel the morei nspired to write you can be.
yes, very interesting! When you can express yourself, you've a piece of freedom. But you need peace to have freedom. ok..in the case of an anarchy, you can have freedom and violence at the same time but just for a short moment. There will be gangs leaded by stronger people who can suppress other (weaker) people.

at first we have to find peace in us, than in our mates
fuck ignorance, a rescue can never be too late
^nice line to end it up

[Hook]
one fear, one pen
one ear, one fan
one clone, one dove
one home, no love
^best chorus yet no weak lines at all.
lol...never expect that yall like the hook! I wrote it in some minutes and didn't think about it that much. A guy on RAP4FX or how this site calls told me once that the hook should be different to the verses...mhhh..thx unknown person :D

AUDIO:
~Its hard for me as an american to get over the German accent it really is. The beat was really good. It was best at the beginning then fell off alittle when u actually started rapping. You need to use the beat to help your flow. Listen to when the "clap" sound happens. thats when you should be trying to end your line. Personally I think you need to slow down just alittle bit. You seem a bit nervous and trying to just read it and get it over. Settle down and say your message and get it across strong. the chorus's were strong but I'd repeat them because they go to quick. The echo effect I dont like, id take that out.
oh, cool! thx for the advices. By the way...I don't make the echo effect...that's my room. lol, it's very small but high. Maybe that's a reason for it. I hope it will change with a different mic

The chorus's were the strongest point of the song IMO.

Your message to me is blurred. I can see what your trying to say but in alotta ways you contradict yourself and I tried to point those out as I saw them. Your grammer and word choice is also alittle off when translated into american. if you ever want help, or would like me to read things over and see how the wording is Id be more than happy too. I know you are interested in the enlgish language and try to learn our word use so please feel free to send me your work and I'll help in any way i can. be easy man.
I hope I could help you to understand it now. To the grammar, I asked an Irish guy who helps me a lot with English. He said it's ok and there are just few mistakes in it but not that great. But I'll ask you next time too, thx for the help!

THANK YOU ODIN and all the other guys for the big help! Many people said I improved since the last song...but I could just impoved with your feedback! You're the reason why I improved! I'll keep the language advices in my mind and be sure...there will be more audio songs by me...*looking at Sparx* :roll: