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MAW
12-20-2006, 01:16 PM
Listen my story. it's about a boy named robert//
Who commited suicide coz he'd nothin to look forward//
He was shamed caused by a trauma caused by a coward//
Just one background you should know: his uncle's name was "Howard"//
When Robert comes home after school he used to write raps//
but his style was definitly bad 'cause his rhyme looped like laps//
the mom was a hoe and she just payed with uncovered checks//
,just one blow for free or when the salesclerk was a woman she changed her sex//
But not every member of his family was a transvestite or a "drag-queen"!//
No his uncle was like all other men, except 4 the fact that he's a childbuster.//
I'm thinkin about: "Damn, is this a kid in his flat? Is it the truth I've seen?"//
I'm thinkin about: "Fuckin motherfucker! Do I really have to use my knuckleduster?"//
When Howard touched totally strange children, has he ever touched his grandson?//
I'll tellin you: Yes he did! He moved Robert to "oral-sex" with his damn gun.//
Nobody wishes an uncle like this. Robert could tell u if he hasn't run//
to the place where he is now. it's heaven. Believe me, this trip wasn't fun//
Or is your definition of fun, jumpin at a fast lane from a bridge?//
I don't think you're a son, who turned from the best man into a bitch.//
I think "Aunt" was a hun, who changed her figure from a wife to a snitch.//
Yeah she was the one, who brought Howard to the jail and into this ditch.//
But hell yes! this was the right decision to a coward//
Remember this "wannabe-best-uncle" moved someone to commite suiced. it was his grandson. it was Robert!//

(It's just a 15 minute freestyle. not a song!)

Nickolai
12-20-2006, 01:36 PM
another Lil Lol

BlackStar
12-20-2006, 01:38 PM
BERLIN STAND UP!!! lol

damn...that shit was deep! I like the story and your story-telling skillz are good.
The idea to change the rhyme scheme in your song at this part:


But not every member of his family was a transvestite or a "drag-queen"!//
No his uncle was like all other men, except 4 the fact that he's a childbuster.//
I'm thinkin about: "Damn, is this a kid in his flat? Is it the truth I've seen?"//
I'm thinkin about: "Fuckin motherfucker! Do I really have to use my knuckleduster?"//
was good but I don't like it because it destroyed the flow.

that part was hard...

When Howard touched totally strange children, has he ever touched his grandson?//
I'll tellin you: Yes he did! He moved Robert to "oral-sex" with his damn gun.//
good work here!

the last bar has got a bad structure...but the rest is ok.

6.5/10

Keep it up!

MAW
12-20-2006, 03:19 PM
BERLIN STAND UP!!! lol

damn...that shit was deep! I like the story and your story-telling skillz are good.
The idea to change the rhyme scheme in your song at this part:


was good but I don't like it because it destroyed the flow.

that part was hard...

good work here!

the last bar has got a bad structure...but the rest is ok.

6.5/10

Keep it up!

Thanx Black!!!

PDM
12-21-2006, 09:45 AM
Why did you changed the name "Martin" into Robert?

BlackStar
12-21-2006, 12:27 PM
Why did you changed the name "Martin" into Robert?

why did you replace your brain by a bread roll?:p

Flash
12-21-2006, 01:47 PM
damn maw this is a lot better than that gangsta.......:D!but like nick said lol another Lil !good to see you can think like this!

Mlnuteman
12-21-2006, 03:06 PM
I like it. It really reminds me of 50 cent

Nickolai
12-23-2006, 12:39 PM
its pretty good actualy specially as english is not your mother tongue and it took 15 minutes
agree wit star about the drag queen bars, flow was weird but it was defo my fav part

When Robert comes home after school he used to write raps//
but his style was definitly bad 'cause his rhyme looped like laps//

^^^^^^dat was good

7/10 keep up

yung Kanon
12-24-2006, 08:36 AM
this is definatley your best drop man had some lines which stood out i think you should stick wit this type of thing instead of stupid g-unit disses

Ttown MC
12-24-2006, 10:41 AM
Your descriptive capabilities are there an so is our talent....jsut work on different asspects an flowing more fluently an youll be great.


the drop was good liked themessage an story
easily 7/10